I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
