an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
