Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
