If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
third nipple confirmed
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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