my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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