He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
