I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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