Whod you bang
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
