Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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