these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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