the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
