she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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