It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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