That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Randomize
