Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
