I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
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Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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