I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
