Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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