Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
