Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
