just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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