Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
