My brain says no but my pants say off.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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