i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
