That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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