love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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