sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
