there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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