Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
