i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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