i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
