We're like a lot better than the average bears
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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