apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
