She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
