i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize