I think im going to throw up on grandma
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
