He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
