Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
