How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
