just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
