We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
