I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
