I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
