So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
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Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
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Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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