At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
