I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
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Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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