Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
