you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
