Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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