I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
