it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
