someone threw a dead crab at me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
