Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
