I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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