We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
