the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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