he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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