If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
