mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
