Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
