What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
