My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
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What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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