You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
