I seem to have left my pride at pride
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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