I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
