hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
