This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
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Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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