i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
