hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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