i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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