I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
