You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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