Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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