I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize