these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
is wine microwaveable?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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